


If I Can't Have You

by cumrag



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous Mental Illness, Based on True Events, Cheating, Drabble-ish thing, Established Relationship, Homicidal Tendencies, Implied Insanity, Jealousy, M/M, One-Shot, Possessive Behavior, Stay sane kiddos, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal actions, Toxic love, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 09:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cumrag/pseuds/cumrag
Summary: It was a scary thing to think; but if Keith couldn't have Lance then no one could.||One-Shot||





	If I Can't Have You

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on true events: relationships are wild so stay safe, sane, and consensual people.

Keith leaned out the window and stared off at the night blankly, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He was nude. Strong body bare and exposed for all curious eyes to see. To see the damp sweat on his skin, the mess that was his hair, and the claws of an angry lover on his back. They sting. The marks. They sting with a vengeance that reminds him guiltly of what he did.

He sighs, and takes a deep drag of his cigarette and rolls his shoulders. They ache, and guilt washes over him in waves again.

There's a creak behind him.

The soft padding of feet kiss his ears as the person walks up behind him. They stop. A soft fingertip gently traces the marks on his back and his breath hitches. He takes a hurried drag of his cigarette and flicks it out the window.

He whirls around and grabs slender wrist in his hands. Tightly. The person gasps and goes rigidly still. Baby-blues clash with stormy violets and it pains Keith to see tears swelling up in those eyes. He looks away and lets go. His hands drop to his sides uselessly and his eyes hone in on the ugly purple bruises that litter otherwise clear bronze skin. Even when he fucked up he couldn't control his horrid desire to just claim.

His stomach clenches like he might be sick. He looks up to see Lance crying. Panic grips his heart.

"Lance, Kitten I-" he starts, going to cradle Lances face in his hands. They're smacked away, a look of hurt and disgust paints itself onto Lance's features. "Do not call me that" he hisses out venomously. Keith retracts his hands and Lance curls in in his self.

Keith feels sick.

He hates himself.

"You got what you wanted, so leave" Lance whispers out, turning on his heel to walk away and before he could think about it, he wraps tight arms around Lances torso and buries his face in the crook of Lance's shoulder. Lance smells nice. Sweet and warm; like milk & honey accompanied by Keith's own scent and the heady smell of sex.

Keith could drown in this scent.

Keith would also just drown himself if it meant Lance's forgiveness.

Lance tenses up when Keith presses his face impossible closer- as if he was trying to get them to become one instead of two.

"Don't leave me Lance. I'm so sorry" he whines and he is. Keith is so sorry but he was so sorry all the others time too. Lance just keeps forgiving and trusting him and Keith turns around and throws that trust right back into Lance's pretty face.

Lance sighs tiredly. The kind of tired that sleep alone can't fix and Keith presses himself closer, tighter. He has to keep Lance grounded or he'll fall again. He squeezes his eyes closed tight, as if this all might be a bad dream.

How childish to think.

"Sorry for fucking Nyma? Or sorry you got caught again?" Lance asks, voice tight with controlled anger and Keith says nothing. What can he say? He's scum. The worst of the worst. A no good fucking cheater who couldn't keep it in his pants to save his relationship that was falling apart.

To think everyone once thought it was Lance who was the horn dog. Keith as well. God, he was a fool.

He whimpers and Lance scoffs.

"Yeah, thats what I thought" he spits untangling himself from a reluctant Keith. Keith watches him go in the attached bathroom. He winces when the door slams shut and the lock gives an obvious 'click'.

Keith fears this may truly be the end. He fears he's taken Lance too far and this time the make up sex will be goodbye sex. Keith doesn't want to say goodbye. He rather die the be with anyone else. He'd kill himself if it came down to that. And selfishly he thinks that he'd kill Lance too before he let anyone else touch him.

He buries his face in his hands and sighs. He was such a fucked up individual.

He doesn't know how long he sits there. Lost in his own panicked thoughts, with dried cum on his torso, and blood staining his back. It stings. But Keith thinks- no knows, he deserves it. He deserves a lot worse then just the sting in his back. The bathroom door opens up with another 'click' and Lance steps out, naked as the day he was born, with water droplets sliding down his honeyed skin like diamonds.

Keith wonders when he became a poet.

Keith also wonders if he'll ever stop being amazed by the sheer beauty of Lance.

He pays Keith no mind. Just smooths his wet hair away from his forehead and grabs a T-shirt out the dresser. Keith's dresser. He wrings his hands in front of him nervously like an anxious child.

"Lance..." He tries and fails to speak. He wrings his hands together harder when Lance slides one of his white t-shirts on. It clings to his wet torso, outlining his slim frame. His nipples are hard from the damp fabric, and Keith is so weak.

"I-..."

"Why are you still here Keith?" The question has no bite to it, just mere exhaustion. Keith's nails bite into his hands.

"I love you" his whispers. "I don't want to lose you"

"Oh, Keith. You lost me a long time ago" Lance says with a slow shake of his head. Fat tears spill out Keith's eyes. Lance still hasn't looked at him.

"Don't say that"

"Don't say what? The truth!? I- fuck. I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore but look at me" he growls out angrily. He furiously scrubs at his wet eyes and Keith walks over and holds him.

Lance leans in and cries onto his bare chest. Despite everything, the still find comfort in each others arms. "Don't leave me Lance, kitten, I love you" he pleads, his grip on Lance just getting a little tighter. Lance can't leave him. Keith can't- no won't- let that happen.

"I love you too" he sniffles. But that's exactly why I have to leave. You keep hurting me Keith, and you don't hurt the ones you love" he says trying to push himself out of Keith's hold.

Keith doesn't let go.

His head hurts.

His heart hurts.

He knows his grip on Lance is painfully bruising but he just can't let go.

"If you leave me I'll kill myself" he said complete ease. With complete honesty.

Lance sucked in a sharp breath but otherwise didn't bat an eye. "Kill yourself Keith. What do I care anymore?"

Its a lie- a bluff. Lance doesn't want him to. He knows this and yet- yet it doesn't make it hurt any less. Keith cries harder now. Little sobs bleeding from his lips.

"How could you say that!?"

"How could you hurt me!? Get over your fucking self Keith! You just-! I- ugh!" he screams ripping his self out of Keith grasp. Fine. Be it that way he couldn't help but think. Keith wipes his eyes, steels his breath and walks over to closet. He can feel Lance's eyes on him, gauging his reaction but Keith gives no sign of his intentions.

He grabs the gun of the top shelf, turns around to Lance and puts it to his head. Lance looks pale.

"Tell me right now, Kitten. Tell me you no longer want me and I'll leave you alone forever. I'm nothing without you" his voice his soft. Lance is crying again, hands pressed over his mouth in horror. Keith hated to make Lance cry.

"Put the gun down Keith"

"Tell me the truth" he shouts angrily, forcing the cold metal sharply against his temple. "Tell me you hate me- that you no longer love me and want nothing to do with me and I'll do it"

He cocks the gun-the sound blatantly obvious- and puts his finger on the trigger.

A nasty sob tears itself from Lance.

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT I LOVE YOU! I love you Keith so please put the gun down" Lance sobs, stepping to Keith to grab the gun. Keith throws the gun on to the floor and gathers Lance up in his arms. His sobs are raw and ugly and his shaking. Its awful and its all Keith's fault.

Still, he squeezes tight and murmurs comforting words into Lance damp hair. He smells like milk & honey. Warm and comforting. Soothing.

He never stops comforting Lance, not when his cries have long been died out and his shaking as ceased, Keith never stops.

Lance's small hand comes up and grips his bicep tightly. When he speaks, his voice is a scared whisper;

"Would you do it? Would you really kill yourself if I left you?"

Keith feels like shit, like he's floating in a dark abyss of pain. Nevertheless though, he answer honestly. Because if anything- Lance deserves the truth.

"Yes"

Lance buries his tear stained face into his chest. He hopes Lance can feel and hear his heartbeat. Feel how it only beats for him and only him. He regrets fucking all those other people. They meant nothing to him. Keith would give the world to Lance because Lance was his world.

Lance was his world, and he wouldn't hesitate to destroy him just to make sure no one else could have him.

"But..." He starts, staring into Lances eyes when he looks up at him. "But not before I killed you. If I couldn't have you then no one else could"

Lance stares at him in horror. He places a kiss to Lance's damp hair.

Keith is so weak.

**Author's Note:**

> SSC
> 
> •Safe  
> •Sane  
> •Consensual


End file.
